Mirror Mirror on the Wall…

You have to be hidden under a rock to live in India and not notice what an obsession people have with being ‘fair.’ It’s a genetic fixation that we have no option of doing away with. It’s been drilled into our heads for as long as I can remember “stay away from the sun” or “you’ll become kali if you’re out in the sun too long.” From dolls that are as white as porcelain, to brides who invest their annual salary in a blinding skin lightening therapy, we’re all victims of the ‘fair’ play!

If you have been born and raised in India like I have then the definition of ‘fair’ can vary to a great degree from north to the south. Before Aishwarya Rai’s Miss World happened, the South Indians were perceived as being dark, oily haired, rice eating, round bodied, non-hindi speaking individuals whose ultimate motive in life was to become a software employee. If you’re a proper bred South Indian with a last name that most people would cringe to pronounce, then you’re already expected to have a big vermilion bindi, long braided hair (horror of horrors if you have jasmine flowers in your hair, almost tempting the herd of sheep to run for those flowers), wearing a shirt that screams ‘tacky’ to go with a pair of stone washed faded jeans, knotted eyes brows, sporting a puzzled look saying ‘kyku’ for ‘kyun.’ Well fortunately, times are changing (or so I like to think) and ‘soudhindians’ are able to break that stereotype. 

If your parents are average colored and you’re not looking too bright (pun intended) then you know for a fact that being light skinned has its advantages in our society that is forever starved for white people. My father can be categorized as light skinned. Mum is ‘wheatish,’ another favorite word that should mean ‘not fair’ but means ‘one shade darker than fair.’ So you should have a fairly decent idea as to how my sister and I look, genetically. We are often presumed to be North Indians and far from telugus. If you work in any IT sector, you'll know why I said that. Thanks to India’s geographic location that places us between the tropics, we have very less say in the naturally dusky skin color that varies in a given year, which brings me to re-defining the seasons we have in Hyderabad. It starts in January with ‘mild-summer,’ then it gets hotter with ‘scorching-summer,’ May ushers in the worst ‘clay roasted oven- summer’ and some rain in July-August; just enough to let the potholes overflow and drown a few thousands followed by some more ‘mild summer’ at the end of the year. With the mercury rising; thanks to global warming and a high percentage of people driving two-wheelers filling the atmosphere with a creamy layer of pollution, we can only expect to be toasted mercilessly and therefore be eternally stuck with a tan that can make a country cow proud.

I have personally experienced the benefits of being fair first hand and in our ongoing struggle to ape our favorite celebrity we miss out on the essence of a person. Take the latest episode in which L'Oreal was under the scanner for allegedly using photoshop on a commercial that Beyonce shot for. Apparently, her skin was made to look so light, that she didn't look African American anymore. In India, a vast number of people try hard to fall into the highly misused and misunderstood ‘wheatish color.’ They’re the ‘not so dark-yet not so fair,’ people who are highly optimistic about their skin color thanks to endless promises made by skin products. They are also the ones with a high propensity for a tan that they’ll do anything to get rid of. Matrimonial sites will feature an extra checkbox for this color and boy, are we misled. Finally, the fair skinned. These people are naturally light skinned and or the fortunate few who can afford door-door a/c wherever they go. The rich and the affluent have the luxury of an invisible bubble that protects them from everything under the sun. These are also the ones who naturally have unblemished crystal clear skin that can make anyone go green with envy.

Ever notice how the market is flooded with fancy Bollywood (and even Hollywood) artists who swear by their skin products. Fair and Lovely has been around for decades now, so long that in fact that it should have left everyone fair and flawless by now. It also intrigues me to no extent that in such advertisements, they show that the usage of all these products changes the rest of their skin color too, of course to match their face and then go on to conquer the world, all with one Fair n Lovely. Ain’t life grand! But then that’s just one product. Let’s take Olay, Lakme, Ponds, Fairever, Nivea -who by the way is making its mark for men’s skin lightening products that a lot of heterosexual guys have in their closet. So I guess we won’t be running into any more tall, ‘dark’ and handsome guys anymore.

While the whole Western Hemisphere resorts to tanning beds and 100^º beaches like rotisserie, we waste just as much in time and energy in getting rid of what they yearn for, a nice tanned body. Which brings me to the underlying truth: Indians are fascinated by ‘imported’ stuff. Be it models or products. The ‘imported’ tag fetches so much more than the eyes can see. Even my local Chiropractor has a picture of a little white girl doing the hoola hoops. Ditto with the dentists, local fashion brands, car advertisements and who can forget our background dancers in the Bollywood movies. I’m just as guilty as the girl next door. If and when I do get a farmers tan, I stare in the mirror so long and so hard wishing I could wipe it away. However, my everyday products are limited to practically a bare minimum and nothing else. At the risk of sounding narcissistic I would like to point out that the harder you try to look good the harder it becomes to look good. So many products and treatments can surely burn a hole in your pocket and leave you wanting more, but that is all it will do, leave you wanting for more. It is imperative that you get comfortable with your body; after all it is the only thing that we can so purely control and manage.

So whether you are fair or dark, wheatish or dusky…tall or short and a whole different array of shapes remember a sign of a healthy mind is a healthy body and vice versa. We cannot change ourselves 100% to suit the model in Vogue, but what we can do is be in charge of our happiness and how others view and treat us.

Indian-ism

Saare Jahan se accha… how 'saccha' is that?

We’re all proud to be Indians. True. But wait. What is it that we have conquered and achieved for our country that we are allowed to be so ‘proud’ of? What has been our contribution apart from living here and heavily populating (and polluting) our country and its depleting its natural resources? Sixty-two years into Indian Independence, we’re a country that is over a billion people strong and still the tag of a young nation. While we continue to disregard our flag and show patriotism only when we’re in the limelight, we should really lend a thought to why Indians are so successful across the globe, but India can’t seem to catch up with them? So, unless we’ve personally fought for the country’s independence, I seriously doubt we all have a valid reason to be so pompous.

Not so long ago, whilst the alleged ‘racist attacks’ on Indians in Australia was still fresh in people’s mind, there was a heated debated at home on who the rightful victims were. My theory was simple, why and how can an entire continent witness hate crimes in such close proximity, specifically on Indians? I don’t mean to sound callous but honestly, there is no smoke without fire. Even though there is a minute percentage of people who actually were victims of hate crime, a lot of the ones probably did something to attract that sort of treatment. I am not justifying it; I’m just trying to see why only a certain section of people were subject to that kind of treatment. I can't help but wonder why do we cook up such a storm and then look for answers when the reason lies right here under our noses?

In such cases there's always the kind of people who think logically and a greater section of the pie chart thinks with their heart. Dialogues akin to “That could have been my daughter or your son..” are thrown around leaving even then most level headed people temporarily impaired and far from a judgment. A huge cross section of society tends to feel sympathetic towards the victims, sidelining what they did to deserve it. We're just built that way. Our head cocks to the side and our smile curves downward with a morose nod, trying to imagine what the horror of the situation is, while silently thanking god that it's not one of us or our loved ones out there. I agree. These are stories we hear on television and the read about in the newspapers and think to ourselves 'oh that could never be me' without understanding its not only just a visa and a ticket we need to live in another country, we all need adjustment and compatibility. We should stop to ask ourselves, what kind of messages we are sending to people when we begin to reside in their country? When we re-locate or visit another country, we automatically become representatives of our nation to the people we interact with. So it is only fair that we paint a warm welcoming and gracious attitude. Somewhere along the way, we've begun to think of our existence as a privilege to others and that is part of the problem why Indians are perceived as hard to get along with, apart from more such misconceptions.

Indians tend to have an air of superiority to them that makes them feel like they're exempt from all rules; it's almost as involuntary and natural as a dog marking its territory. Before you jump in denial, let me explain. I was in Chicago a while back at the famous Devon Avenue, that desis proudly choose to call Diwan street. I know people who live in Chicago will swear by this, but here is is: the street was (and still is) filthy. It was downright dirty with ‘pan’ stains decorating the street and just to re-assure my thoughts, there was an actual ‘pan’ shop with a jolly old ‘pan’ wala oblivious to the mess he was creating. Desi vegetable marts emptied their trash in the back alley and there was a serious violation of hygiene. There were five flies for every one person there and it sure was a Chandni Chowk replica. Uncles walked around in lungis and pyjamas that shrank to half their size boisterously laughing, yapping in their native language, coughing up some phlegm and aiming for (or missing) the passerby on a trajectory.

Now if you live in India then you are a silent witness to the miles and miles of ‘pan’ stained walls and roadside urinals which are a common sight. The 'stench network' accompanies billions of people all over India in their daily commute, despite regional messages sprawled across the walls demanding, requesting and ordering people (with fine amounts posted) not to urinate. Oak Tree Road, Iselin, New Jersey. Ditto. This area has probably seen more number of Indian people than anywhere else in the East Coast. Chat walas, South Indian food, fast food, Indian restaurants by the dozen, Punjabi food, beauty parlors, dvd/ movie rentals, designer boutiques with the latest (but flashy) Indian wear, all tempting you to come in and promising a feel of the motherland, both inside and out. They are a screaming proof that Indians love to break rules. Of course, what could be more satisfying than bragging about it…?

Wearing flashy branded clothes and perfumes doesn’t change the stinky attitude we carry on the inside. We have to understand and respect differences which can only begin at home. Indians over the years have earned the reputation of being brash and uncouth. We are slowly wiping out the impression what our forefathers earned of being hard working and humble. Our need to respect others’ culture especially because we come from such a diverse country with such contrasting culture is slowly dying. We are a growing nation with a faster growing population and the sooner we can learn how to gel with different people and get along amicably, the better it is for everyone. It is what we imbibe from our friends and family that makes us who we are, so make sure you’re surrounded by cheerful, positive and tolerant people who can influence you to make this world a better place. So the next time you are feeling patriotic for your motherland, do me a favor...and think of what all you 'can' do to make it proud!