Feeding the 'I'

We are born with it - the selfish inaccessible part of our personality that demands immediate satisfaction. It is what drives us to get better and to the top of the world, maybe sometimes, even at the cost of righteousness. We all secretly crave to feed it and we sure can’t tell it apart from what we claim is our 'self-respect.'

I - it is what differentiates a person from the rest of the world. It is one of the most important ways in which we set our selves apart, unique; just like everyone else I suppose. The single letter that can cause so much mayhem and presumably some of the biggest wars in the past. It sure as hell was the reason the timeless epic Mahabharata was fought for eons.

So why do we view this little three lettered word as being so negative yet, own a good amount of it in our system? Why do we simple deny having an ‘ego?’

I’ve posed this question to a good number of people who first get offended and then almost as a side effect, resort to self-denial. While in conversation when I casually broach the subject with friends, they look at me a second longer to see what my aim is when I mention the much debated word. Let’s face it. The last time I checked we all had one. Yes, it’s a little hodgepodge of what we call ‘the voice inside our head’; but how do we get to the bottom of our much tamed pride and self respect without getting walked all over? Ever wondered what part of our body produces the inner voice that we all fine-tune ourselves to hearing?

As we grow up we are taught ‘survival of the fittest.’ In blindly striving to be the ‘best’ we fail to tell ourselves the difference between ambition and superseding it. Why can we ‘not’ put the opposite person down in order to inflate our egos? It's a fad. Sadly, the same society that teaches us to keep ourselves in check is the one that provokes us to flex those biceps, roll up the sleeves and fight back.We all love to think how we're totally exempt from such sinisterly behavior.

Ego is not a subject or an elective. Ironically, it is probably easier to imbibe than the other important stuff we should be learning. Remember when you were a kid and you got bullied? Can you think of anyone who told you about take it lying down or said “Its ok honey. Let him take a few more swings at you and then it’ll all fall in place?” The fact is that we teach kids the difference between genders and why it’s ok for boys to have a bigger ego because they’re superior to girls. We teach them that if they fail they have to cork their tear glands, if not they’re no good. So why are we so surprised that there are are so many acts of rage in our everyday lives? Anger? Me thinks not, it’s the result of a bruised ego.

Honor Killings, jealousy towards a successful wife, ego battles over who said what that span a lifetime…does all of this seem worthwhile in the race against time? We love to go out of our way to prove how we don’t have an ego and in the process, up the ante. A few people have a hard time believing and even if that impossible feat has been achieved the bigger problem is confronting their ego. So many great men and women have talked about being humble but despite all those moral science classes in school, what easily comes to our mind is the poverty stricken hero who lets his vengeance shine loud and clear and predictably, winning our hearts..awww dont we just love happy and fair endings?

What it all boils down to and this might vary from person to person depending on the degree of their tolerability and will power is to ask ourselves: Where can I run to escape from myself? I’m thinking the better (read smarter) alternative would be to smile the next time when someone cuts me off at the traffic light, refrain from gritting my teeth when I have to say sorry if it can help the situation…and lay low when the guy expects you to throw a punch at his face for calling you names. What we don’t do won’t make us lesser than who we are, but what we do in a fit of rage, definitely will.